Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in jesse's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, March 28th, 2002
2:32 am	long time no update............................ its been a long time since i have updated so i figured why not update, so here i go. since i have graduated i have worked full time at skeffingtons formalwear as the asst. manager. now i am about to embark on one of the biggest journeys of my entire life. wish me luck because today i signed up for the marines for 4 years active duty. i ship out to boot camp on may 15th, it is going to be 13 weeks of pure hell and i know that and i am prepared for that. some of u are probably thinking what the hell are u thinking jesse so i just thought id tell u. everybody reading this enjoys the freedoms of everyday living, someone had to fight for that cause, i feel that i can do my country justice and fight for that cause, that cause being to let every american still be able to enjoy that freedom. some of u might not understand where i am coming from and thats fine but i feel right about this. all i need is support from my friends and ill be fine. and if u would all do me a favor and talk to the big guy upstairs to give me the strength to complete this objective in my life i would greatly appreciate it. thanks a lot and god bless JeSsE Current Mood: indescribable (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 7th, 2002
1:01 am	perfection u are my star, my light at the end of a long dark tunnel, i never thought i would be able to feel like this again but how can i not when it feels so right, if there was a word to describe u i would have to say perfect, because u are, everything about u is truly..........................perfect................. JeSsE Current Mood: grateful (Comment on this)
12:40 am	<<<<<< [Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<years past.>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] <<<<<<<yEaRs PaSt.>>>>>>>> as i sit and i reflet on years past, i think of how fucked up these past 5 years have been. and then i think its damn time too. everyone has been miserable for the a long time, especailly justin and i. everything was always so one sided. and nothing was ever good enough, "YOUR ROOM ISNT CLEAN ENOUGH!!!!" "U DONT DO ENOUGH AROUND HERE!!!" "DAMN U YOUR 5 MINUTES LATE COMEING IN YOUR GROUNDED FOR 6 MONTHS" i dont know, i just always felt like i was getting yelled at for stupid shit. im not a bad kid, i get good grades, im responsible, i treat others well, i mean god, i could see ripping me for little stuff if i was a deliquent but im not. i dotn know, this whole situation is really fucked up. why does everything just keep getting piled on jesses plate. lets throw some more on there, hey i have an idea how about my real mom calls and tells me she wants to be a part of my life again yea that would be a good one. damn, sometimes i wish i had a bever cleaver family and this was all fake and a made for tv movie. oh well what can u do. i really feel bad for jeff, thats going to be the hardest for me at least. even though i dont know really what is going to happen or what will come of the chaos but i do know it will be better in the end, for everyone. oh well nothing i can do about that so dont think about it right(well at least thats what im going to keep telling myself, stuff it all down inside jess theres nothing u can do about it!!!) JeSsE (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 9th, 2001
2:51 am	kinda confused.................................... dont really know what to do right now, really how to feel. i mean im so happy that i made the state show but im really upset for the people who didnt. i feel really bad. but i want to feel happy but i cant because everytime i try to i think about how we arent together in this, its not the little click of people im used to acting with, i jsut dont think its going to be the same.......... JeSsE Current Mood: confused (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, November 26th, 2001
4:19 pm	this is so fucking ridiculous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just so everyone knows IM NOT GAY AND I DONT THINK SEAN IS HOT OR ANYTHING ELSE U MAY HAVE HEARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! people are so stupid. i hate this stupid high school bullshit. there is no point in it and the fact that i just had to write that IM NOT GAY is ridiclus. hey guess what IM NOT GAY, IM NOT GAY, IM NOT GAY, IM NOT GAY, IM NOT GAY. oh and i DONT think that sean is hot because IM NOT GAY, and only gay guys would think that and IM NOT GAY. so its jsut immpossible. so i hope i go tmy point across to everyone and i hope u all have a great night now knowing that im NOT GAY because i LOVE GIRLS, i love the way the smell, some of them, the way the look, some of them again, i love everything about them so that would once again quilify me as being NOT GAY. this is so fun, u know having to declare my sexuallity to everyone else because of some stupid people. hey incase u decided to skip over the top part i think ill write it really big for u................... IM NOT GAY who ever thinks i am can kiss my ass inless u are a guy because IM NOT GAY. and if u want to know someone who is gay it would be OHIO STATE because they suck...........hahahaha/lol. yea well now that i cleared that IM NOT GAY up im going to go to work and check out some GIRLS. JeSsE Current Mood: pissed off (28 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 8th, 2001
10:50 am	kinda odd...................................... well i have new hope about the play, its gonna be great, last night was truely a success. dont really feel close to a lot of people in the cast, seems like everyone is changing, well not everyone but some people. surprisingly i am getting a lot closer to ryan rogers, hes really funny and he is a great person and i feel really bad for doubting him and a lot of people in the cast last year when i didnt get cast. they are truely great actors and i feel privliged to act with them. sorry to jessica harris last night for getting mad, ive just got a lot on my mind and everything is starting to build up. last night was the funeral, really sad. feel really bad for my dad, he was really close to my uncle and he took it really hard. wish i could do something for him. well everyone should try to come see the play, its gonna be great. JeSsE Current Mood: blank (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, November 5th, 2001
8:58 pm	dont know what to do to make me feel right................................. oh my gosh! my life keeps getting worse and worse, ok sunday my uncle died and ive jsut kinda acted like it wasnt true because i dont need anymore on my back right now, well his visitation is tomorrow at 5:00 and i have play practice which i really need to go to because we really need the work. thats not the end wed is the funeral, at 2:00 and i dont like funerals, i dont even like visitations so i wasnt going to go to the funeral and i was going to go to despritatly needed play practice and then missi told me if i dont go to the funeral i needed to go to my grandmas to be with my dad. well that just makes me feel horrible, i need to be there for my dad but i also need to be there for my friends and for something i love that really needs work. why, why must i always have this pressure to succeed and to please everyone, right now i feel really torn and i dont konw what to do. JeSsE Current Mood: frustrated (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, October 19th, 2001
11:21 pm	oh my gosh............................ i hate some people! great senior night though, except for the very end. dont try to argue with me about something u have no clue about. why, why must u try to piss me off and then tell me to chill out. u care nothing about this so quit tring to act like u do. u do this for 1 thing and then deny it. take pride in what u do and quit taking this for granted. you still have your chance dont blow it, and thats what i see happening. u shouldnt revolve your life around one person u will end up with no friends that way. and i think thats what is happening right now. learn the lesson i learned now and before its to late. JeSsE Current Mood: pissed off (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 18th, 2001
12:11 pm	blank............................ dont feel as bad as i did last night but i still dont feel right, i wish all these wholes could just be filled. i feel so alone, so damn alone. wish i were somewhere else without all this hurt, without the pain i feel everyday. dont really know what to do, just sick of dealing with life in a whole. i used to be so radiant now i feel like my flame has died and all i am is a black hole inside, and the said thing is i want to shine again i just dont know how, so scared to get hurt right now, scared to trust almost. wish i could, wish i could so badly.....................wish u were here. Current Mood: hollowed...... :'( (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 17th, 2001
8:24 pm	why???????????????????? i never thought i would be this unhappy in my life. im sick of everything, sick of putting up with certain people, sick of worring, sick of not knowing. so sick of everything. where are u mom, where are u when i need u the most, why did u leave me, do u not love me, what did i do, i wish u were here, and i wish i could do something to change everything, i feel so lonely, there is this void that nothing will fill, nothing but u and u have left me and fucked my whole world up, ive delt with this for so long it seems natural but i just want it all to change, wish u were here. :'( Current Mood: crushed (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, September 29th, 2001
9:58 pm	gee i just love high school..............puke!!!!!!!!!!! i so sick of living in this hell hole. cant do anything right anymore. just trying to live MY LIFE and cant. tired of living up to peoples expectations of some perfect person, sorry im not god and i do mess up. always trying to make the best of the situation but this time cant, because there is no best everything is just fucked up right now, dont know who i am, dont know where im going, just know i dont want to be me right now. JeSsE Current Mood: destroyed (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 15th, 2001
12:04 am	******starlight******** oh my gosh, this is easily one of the best nights of my life. i cant belive it, it all seems all so surreal. great night all i can say is thanx for everything especially all the memories. great night for me and i really needed one. *thanx again* JeSsE Current Mood: ecstatic (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 4th, 2001
9:13 pm	doubt me i dare u............................ i just love when people doubt me, because i love to prove people wrong. tell me im not able to do something or thats its not possible for me to do it and i will. doubt me thats a dare. Current Mood: enraged (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 21st, 2001
6:02 pm	hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm When things are confusing in life, it sometimes seems that there is no other option but to run away. The fact is...life is confusing about 99.9% of the time. You become so confused that you tend to start questioning yourself and the way things go for you in your life. It isn't possible to be completely happy all the time. It is something you just have to come to terms with. Until you do, you will transition. You will change your lifestyle or the way you look at things or treat others. You become a totally different person. Someone who is nothing like what you believe in, but for a short period of time...in being a new person you THINK you are happy. That is truly what everyone wants---to be HAPPY. You may even do things that harm you--or others. The simple truth to this is...it may seem good at the time, but when you come back down to earth and remember where you have been and what you have experienced, you will look back on the things you did and once again be unhappy. What happens now??? You transistion again. Everyone does it...but if you try hard enough you will see that deep down inside the person is the TRUE them. Don't lose sight of who you are. JeSsE Current Mood: contemplative (Comment on this)
Monday, August 13th, 2001
12:53 pm	divided....................................................... doomed to repeat the mistakes of my predicessors i stand divided among my problems. weighing the importance of each one. wondering when to just put on that happy face and move on like ive done so many times before. but i cant this time because i dont know what im feeling. i usually can pick between which problems to solve but not this time, this time i can not do anything to prevent the inevitable and thats what makes me blank. Current Mood: confused (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 11th, 2001
12:56 pm	is it worth it........................... "happiness is the measure of pain it takes to get there".................. *i think it is* JeSsE (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, July 30th, 2001
1:27 pm	god what are u trying to tell me???????????? ok i get my licence on thursday...........car breaks down, i get my car back on friday night. everything is ok saturday i go to work left work went to sarahs to talk about something with her then when im leaving i get in a wreck. they sited me for the wreck and didnt even ask me my statement but i was already guilty in there eyes when it wasnt my fault at all. so i think god is telling me not to drive. the only bad thing besides my car is the fact that my neck is sore. well the good thing is the wreck or my parents didnt kill me so thats cool. and i get to have some fun tonight so thats cool too. Jesse Current Mood: annoyed (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, July 20th, 2001
3:40 pm	CoNfUsInG PeOpLe............. people ca be sooooooooooo confusing. u think everything is fine and the next thing u know they are ready to cut your throat and sell your blood to willing clinic, but hey what can u do. all u can do is try and eventually people will find something u did wrong or have done wrong, or something they just dont like. people are always looking for something wrong with other people instead of looking for good things, and if they are looking for good things they will try to equal them out or even out weight them. why are people so confusing. now im confused over confusing people. JeSsE Current Mood: aggravated (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 18th, 2001
1:08 am	in light of prostitute orange nail polish..................................... i ahd so much fun tonight. sarah, emily, tiffany, john, eddie d, and me all were going to go dancing but unfortunatly got canceled ;( but i guess it wasnt so bad because we still had lots of fun, at least i did. we made fun of the carheart gang at buger king next. it was lots of fun. then we were went to emilys house and i had so much fun there. first i got killed at pool, then i taught sarah and emily a dance, then we watched darah dance in a paited on suit.....jk. so then eddie took me home and we had a very good talk. got to love my dogs. i had so much fun tonight but i cant wait until i can goooooooooooo dancing. JeSsE Current Mood: ditzy (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 20th, 2001
9:49 pm	ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh oh my gosh i just want to scream. i am so sick of living here, where nothing is fair and i always get the shaft end of everything. im so sick of trying to do please people in this house. im tired of not being allowed to express how i really feel without getting grounded. i just want to die. its like everything inside me is just crushed. i have tried so hard for the past 6 years to please people and it doesnt matter. i cant wait until im 18 so i can just leave. leave everything that has ever caused me any grief in my life. just leave it all behind. JeSsE Current Mood: blank (1 Comment |Comment on this)